A jungle scene, the centerpiece of which is a large Cannibal Pot. In the pot is a young girl dressed in a bikini, preferably a wild exotic "jungle girl" bikini. The girl in the pot addresses the camera in a sexy and alluring voice:

Hello, are you tired of all your friends trying to get you to eat tofu, seaweed and raw fish? Do your tastes run more toward rich, succulent and exotic meats? Well if your oral pleasures run toward the carniverous, and if you have a special taste for beautiful women then there is a book written especially for you. It's called "A Cookbook for Cannibals" by the world renowned Chef Sal Monella. Chef Sal has spent years of study with the Arawak indians of the Upper Amazon, the Asmat of New Guinea, and the secret societies of Africa and the Fiji Islands. He is considered to be the worlds leading authority on the preparation of the worlds most exotic and taboo cuisine. In his book you'll learn of the History of Cannibalism, from...

Cut to: a "caveman" scene, with two to four guys dressed as neanderthals, and a girl, again dressed in a "cavegirl" costume or bikini. This will be a brief scene of a few seconds in duration. The action taking place will depend on practical constraints, but an example could be either having the girl in a pot while one of the cavemen stirs the pot with a bone while the others jump around rubbing their bellies, or perhaps the girl is stretched out on some sort of makeshift "grill" over a phony campfire (just a ring of rocks) while one rubs two sticks together attempting to light the fire and another is sprinkling some sort of spice or whatever over her body. Another excellent possibility, but one probably too difficult to excecute would be to have the girl tied to a "spit," on which she would be turned over an imaginary roasting fire by one of the cavemen. Perhaps a sign placed nearby reads "Chez Stonehenge."

F/X: The girl's voice (the Girl in the Cannibal Pot, that is) continues as a voice over.

... the primitive cooking and dining rituals of the stone age and the ancient Celts to...

Cut to: a modern dining room. A girl in a bikini lays out on a dining room table with a standard place setting. A "Gourmet" sits at the table behind her, a bib tucked under his chin, and he raises a glass of wine as if in a toast.

... the most selective modern day gourmets. You'll read of real life Cannibals such as ...

Fade to: F/X screen. Perhaps the best thing to do here is to put up still photos from the cookbook itself as the narrative proceeds, with a solid color or some other scene in the background. If so, it would look like this:

Photo effect: "Cookbook" photo of Russ with Margaret in the Pot

... Gourmet Cannibal Albert Fish of New York City ...

Photo effect: (leaving other picture up and superimposing): "Norman Bates on Vacation"

... Leg Man Ed Gein of Wisconsin and ...

Photo Effect: "Big Michele" as Elizabeth Bathory

... Countess Elizabeth Bathory, who bathed in the blood of her virgin victims.

Cut to: Jungle scene (Bidwell Park in a lush, jungle-like area). Two girls dressed in bikinis or lacy undies and high heels being chased through the "jungle" by two spear wielding "cannibals."

Then, Chef Sal takes you on an adventure where he will reveal from his own personal experience the secrets of hunting and selection of the worlds finest "groceries."

Cut to: "jungle" scene. The same two girls and the same two "cannibals" but this time the girls are "tied" to trees (no ropes need be shown, the girls can simply have their hands wrapped around the trunk of the tree behind their backs). One cannibal pinches one of the girls thighs, while the other runs his index finger down the other girl's bare tummy, from just below the breasts down to her navel. He then puts the same finger into his mouth, smiles and licks his lips appreciatively.

and instructs you on the subtleties of grading, typeing, and taste testing the meat.

Cut to: a kitchen or boudoir scene. A girl dressed in just about any costume, as long as it's sexy, low cut, and bares the legs and possibly the midriff. this should have a look similar to the "hefty diet book" picture in the cookbook, the girl should be surrounded by a luxurious setting with wine or champagne and feasting on some rich desert.

You will also learn of Chef Sal's own methods of preparation and fattening ...

Cut: again, same scene. Now bring the Chef Sal character himself into the picture, giving the girl a gentle caress of exposed flesh, perhaps of arm, thigh and stomach, at the end of which he turns to the camera and grins.

... and he personally instructs you on how to check your progress in this most pleasurable phase of the process.

Cut To: Chef Sal's Kitchen. A shot through the door into the kitchen pans by the Chef Sal character as he gestures with an outstretching arm into the kitchen, where three or four sexy, bikini clad young ladies loll about on the stoves, counters and tables.

Then, Chef Sal takes you into his own kitchen, to personally instruct you on the preparations of his Specialties of the House, such as ...

Cut to: Another kitchen scene. A girl lays back on the table or countertop, her legs up on a pot, or bargeque grill or whatever, or perhaps just held in "Chef Sal's" hands. Her legs should be oiled with baby or cooking oil to make them look wet and shiny, and if possible, put "rack of lamb" booties on her feet or toes. The Chef Sal character "salts" or spices her legs with a salt or pepper shaker.

Roast, seasoned "leggy lamb"

Cut to: Kitchen scene again. In this cut the camera is pointed at the torso area of a bikini'd girl also layed out on a table with a large platter under her torso. arranged on the platter around her are vegetables and fruits. Her torso is turned slightly so that her stomach is angled toward the camera, and this is also oiled slightly for the wet, shiny look. in front of her and off to one side is a bowl of sauce with a brush in it. As the narrative is recited a hand reaches over her, picks up the brush and brushes the sauce over her stomach.

Primal Spareribs with Chef Sal's own Sensual Barbeque Sauce, and ...

Cut to: Kitchen scene. A girl, a REDHEAD in a bikini, sits on a large platter or in a large salad bowl filled with raspberries, the juice all over her body. She looks sensuously into the camera, and scoops up a bit of the raspberries with her finger, sensuously tasting them.

... Chef Sal's own personal favorite, Raspberry Redhead.

Cut back to jungle scene, Girl in pot. This time the girl is joined by two or three cannibals, cutting carrots, vegetables, and fruits or whatever into the pot, or perhaps instead just the Chef Sal character standing over the pot with a large spoon and maybe a turkey baster.

So, if you want to learn all about how to handle delectable dishes like me, order your own copy of "A Cookbook for Cannibals." It's the only book of it's kind in the world.

F/X Zoom in for closeup. The girl then either lifts up a spoon and sips as though tasting her own broth, or rubs her finger across her chest, leg or tummy and licks her finger. After doing this she rolls her eyes and says:

Mmmmmmmm, just wait til you taste it!

At this point we can cut to the next scene, or give it one last parting shot, in which the girl picks up an apple from within the pot, bites into it and then winks at the camera as we...

Cut to: Super over action or to a screen of text giving ordering information. Voice over becomes male at this point.

"A Cookbook for Cannibals": A sexy and satirical look at Mankinds oldest and ultimate taboo.

To order your copy of "A Cookbook for Cannibals" send $9.95 to: